Relationship

身邊的人分分合合
很替她開心
替他覺得難過
希望她可以開心
到底為什麼可以這麼燒腦
原以為他們可以走到結婚那一步
沒想到會是這樣的結局
她說她也沒有想過
但還是發生了

我真的很膽小
所以
就這樣到老吧

能不能有一天不用再去顧忌別人的想法
能不能有一天不用再去煩惱人跟人的相處
能不能有一天就只有我自己但我不會孤單

Thoughts and moment

She helped lots of us speak.
I guess.

Unsatisfied

好像越大就越不容易滿足
越大就越難因為小事開心
卻又越容易為雞毛蒜皮的事情失落、難過

這次很幸運拿到慈祐宮的獎助金
很納悶為什麼她沒拿到
今天早上發現她拿到了龍山寺的
啊
原來是拿到了更好的呢
覺得自己怎麼那麼弱
但又覺得自己好糟糕
朋友拿了獎助金應該是要替她開心啊
畢竟我們的立場一樣
而且她真的很認真

而我也應該要知足的

.

早該知道是這樣的，只是我不願意面對。
罷了。

Debt I could never repay

I miss them, again.
Especially when I saw words so familiar, “妹妹，媽媽已經沒有媽媽了。”
I'm not good at expressing my love and feelings, just the thought of them could make me tear.
It's hard to not mention the materialistic side, somehow speaking of money makes everything sound so cheap. But the willingness to spend on someone is actually the most straightforward scale of one's love.
Studying in Taiwan without any scholarship is already very expensive, not to mention my sis got PTPTN and occasionally worked part time to earn some pocket money. I'm here, spending my parents' money, enjoying my youth while my dad is under the hot sun sometimes risking his life to put food on the table, my mum alone at home trying to occupy her thoughts with mundane household chores, my sis working in a school in rural areas with students getting on her nerves and making her feel frustrated at least once a week. I feel so useless.

Then she said, "Do you want to have braces on?"
A very appealing offer.
But I can't get over the fact that I'd be spending again, so much of their hard earned money just for the sake of my appearance.
I guess this might be the reason I've been having insomnia these days. This dilemma.

Men are selfish.

Insomnia

Have been having trouble falling asleep these days
No particular reason, I'm quite sure of that.
Maybe it's just because of the time spent on my phone before my sleep

I felt tired, I closed my eyes but they refused to stay closed and I was there staring at the ceiling.
Tried staring blankly until I fall asleep but somehow it doesn't help and I started wandering off.
I picked up my phone again, the cycle repeats.

眼前的路是一片朦朧，你是一陣風但帶來的是更大的烏雲；
朦朧轉為黑暗，原本看得到的已經不見。